so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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