i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
