i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
