i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
