if i died would you start the facebook group?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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