My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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