I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
