people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
