you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
