I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
