My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
