it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
