and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My breasts were aching with rage.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
