Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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