let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
