I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
