hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Randomize
