she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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