i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
