gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
