you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
she looked like the before picture.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
