I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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