Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
