how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
