i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
