Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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