She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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