Since when is my name a synonym for head?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
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