You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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