so that wasnt chicken after all
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
