I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
