You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
