Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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