I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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