Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
