did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
