she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
