Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
