i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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