is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
