he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
