Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
