I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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