i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
