Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
