Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
