Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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