I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
