I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
