I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
