Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
