i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Randomize
