You're my little dorito
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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