Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Randomize
