well I can't set my house on fire every night
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
