So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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