I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I think a kid would responsible me up
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
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