Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
