Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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