I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
